In my previous post, I described how my sense of independence from others came about. Actually, since then I have reflected more deeply on the term ‘independence’, as it may have different connotations in different contexts. The independence I described is more of independence in interpersonal relationships. In spite of that, there are still areas where I can’t distance myself from my responsibilities.
I had decided to leave a highly stressful job after months of consideration. Being single, there are less considerations such as having to maintain a family, paying for a mortgage, etc. That does not mean that I am free from worries and can act independently though.
I still have people that rely on my monthly income to sustain. The allowance I provide is not lavish, but it is needed to maintain the basic living expenses of my parents. Cost of living has been going up, and various items around the house are getting worn and breaking down. Getting new replacements or repairing them also costs money, and this is something we have been trying to scrimp on, but sometimes various expenses are unavoidable.
My parents came from humble backgrounds and can be pretty frugal but they have also grown used to a middle class lifestyle. It takes some adjustment in retirement as they can no longer spend as freely as they used to. As such, I try to be the one providing the little indulgences such as dining out, or little gifts that make their life better.
Losing my income will mean that eventually I may not be able to provide their allowance. Although they do not demand it, I had taken it upon myself to be the provider of these indulgences.
I had also hoped to earn enough to afford to send them on an all-expenses paid overseas trip at the end of the year, and maybe hire a helper to make their lives more comfortable. Hence to me, my career setback is not just mine, it also has an impact on the lifestyle of people I care about. I do feel bad for dragging others who care about me into issues I should be handling on my own.
Now that it has come to this stage, I suppose it can’t really be helped. All I can do is to try to get their understanding of the difficulty I am in, and to think about my future path so that I can build the foundation for a more stable career. I don’t know how soon I can land my next job, so there will be some stress from having to deplete my savings while figuring what I want to do. I can only hope that I can find a better way forward after a period of rest and self-reflection.